Women’s Health Information

By Ruth Garnes

Conflict is unavoidable. How we respond to it makes a difference in its outcome. Personally I had never before given a whole lot of thought to turning the table on my conflicts. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing if we could all transform our battles so that we could profit from them?

I did not have a whole lot of negative encounters in my young adult life. Things began to change rapidly however, after I became a mother of seven and a full time care-taker. Those who knew the ins and outs of my life continued to treat me with love and respect. Unfortunately, society today does not have a whole lot of respect for women with a large number of children. As a result I began to experience a decline in my self worth. Every negative encounter would make me feel a lot worse.

I had one of my worst encounters at the pinnacle of my sliding self worth. On that day I momentarily forgot the lessons taught me as a child: important lessons which included forgiveness, kindness and the greatest fruit of the spirit, which was love. The realization of this came to me after I started to reflect on a comment a woman at my daughter’s dance school made. She called my daughter “a little black girl.”

Dance class was just finished for my three-year-old. Some of the mothers were having idle chatter in the hallway. Two other moms and I were changing our children’s clothes in a waiting room playroom. I was on one side of the room; the other mothers were on the other. One mother had a little boy and the other had a girl.

The mother with the boy had him give the girl next to him a candy. It was Valentine’s Day and this was the customary thing to do. I was not cognizant of the events that followed. I did however, hear the little girl’s mother telling her child in a voice loud enough for me to hear, that my daughter was a little black girl. My daughter was very light skinned, enough so that the other child would not have been able to tell the difference between them.

I looked over in the women’s direction after the remark was made. The boy’s mother looked shocked. She then instructed her child to give my daughter a candy. The child walked over immediately and handed my daughter the candy. She thanked him and he walked back to his mother.

Strangely enough I was not even offended. I just continued doing what I was doing without the slightest change in my demeanor.

Just as I was about to walk out the door with my three children, the girl’s mother’s said to me, “Do you home school your daughter?”

I had my seven-year-old daughter and my fourteen-month-old son with me. “Yes,” I replied quite politely.

“How is that for you?” she questioned.

“Tedious at times but I need to spend time with her. When she was younger I had someone helping me with my children and I did not get to spend as much time with her.”

“Oh, you were working?”

“No. I never worked”, I said sharply.

“When I lived in South Africa I had a maid.” She was now on the defense.

The little boy’s mother tried to come to my defense at this point. “How could you expect her to work? She has three children.”

“No,” I said pointedly. “I have seven children. Three birth children and four adopted children.” I could tell that my response shocked the woman who had tried to come to my defense.

“There are seven children in the house?” she questioned. I did not respond. She took her son and left the room. The girl’s mother did not. She inquired about my adopted children’s mother. She then continued to tell me about a number of black women she came in contact with in South Africa. The women she talked about had numerous children. They were very poor and oppressed by their husbands. One woman who worked on this woman’s parents’ farm was tied up by her husband.

She was then forced to watch on helplessly as her children starved to death. Another woman had eighteen pregnancies and only one child survived. Men had countless wives with many, many children. The families all had only one income. Her family, she stated, helped numerous black African women obtain sterilization at no cost to the women. On many occasions their husbands were unaware and their consent was not obtained.

As if the picture she was painting was not vivid enough she paused and asked, “Have you ever been to Africa?”

“No,” I replied and went on to tell her about some of the countries I had visited and some of the cultural problems I had encountered. Her response to what I was saying was that those were very common problems.

“Because something is common does not make it right. These kinds of behaviors have profound effects on people’s lives,” I said to her. I was more passionate about issues that directly involved children.

She frowned at me and said, “You can say that because you understand.” She took her child by the hand and exited the room. Her demeanor appeared rather unhappy. I must admit that I was confused. What was her point? Why be resentful of me? Was it because of all the sufferings she had seen in other black women lives and here I was living as leisurely as she? Did she interpret my silence as approval of her statement?

The silence was in my children’s best interest. The whole thing went over their heads. As we talked, her daughter ran around the room and played with my children. This could have been the whole reason for her unhappy appearance and her choosing to change her child on the other side of the room. It certainly did not have anything to do with candy but more to do with changing her child along side a black one. Her child did not fully get the message that day. Had I made a fuss both her daughter and mine would have learned the apartheid lesson.

I learned about her family background in the short exchange we had. I was more saddened than impressed. The remark she made to her daughter had somehow clouded my mind. I see my daughter, as being more than just another little black girl. She is a precious gift to me from God. God in His infinite wisdom created all of us for His enjoyment. How colorless the world would be if he had made it all green.

We need to take responsibility for our folly. There was no benefit in poisoning the mind of our children all in the name of protecting them from other innocent children. As I ponder over the events of that day it reminded of a poem I had written several years ago based on a similar experience that I had.

I called the poem There’s More to Me. It says:

When I am out there on my own,
No one knows about my home.
Some only care about the color of my skin,
And my knowledge doesn’t mean a thing.
They judge me by what they see,
And there’s no mention of the real me.

There’s more to me than meets the eye.
For I have a heavenly Father in the sky.
He even cares about the birds,
And in spite of what you’ve heard,
He knows my heart and very thoughts,
And all about the fights I’ve fought.

There was a lot more to my daughter. She was a little girl who can say that she was the pride and joy of both her parents. She was a child whose parents were willing to take time out to invest it in her. Yet on that day as her mother I felt I had to defend my position. I had also learned the lessons by which society sometimes judge us.

Outwardly I was very controlled, but inwardly I was beginning to doubt myself worth. I had years earlier made a conscious decision to put aside my career in order to raise my family. Having a profession was as equally important to me as having a family.

I did not expect to have had sacrifice one for the other. That woman’s words would have had very little effect on me if I had been able to come to terms with my new role in society. My precious role as a fulltime wife and mother was becoming obscure. I could not help but feel that I was being compared to those helpless women.

A lot has changed for me since that encounter. I am now a published author. I gleaned from all my emotions that resulted from my challenges. I used them to create a poetry collection. The poem “There is more to me” is also a part of that collection.

Appropriately named “Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality,” the anthology was dedicated to hurting children everywhere. It is not only about adversity, but also the good, the bad, the happy and the sad. To continue my dream to make a difference in the lives of hurting children, a part of my royalties from this book will be contributed to agencies that provided services for abused children.

For more information please visit my web-site at - From Mother to Inspirational Poetic Writer: http://home.earthlink.net/~rgarnes

Frieda Luke shares an interesting article she has written titled Perimenopause and Me. I am sure that many women can relate to these symptoms and will understand that they are not alone in the world…

Perimenopause and Me

There it goes again! It starts around your neck and creeps up to your face and soon, you are feeling the burn, the burn of a hot flash that you would much rather not have at all and you wish your profuse sweating could extinguish the burn as soon as it starts. This is one of the many symptoms women who are going through perimenopause face daily.

But, what is perimenopause?

Well, perimenopause is the time that a woman’s body prepares for menopause. Due to hormonal fluctuations, symptoms can be varied from woman to woman, but all say that it’s a very uncomfortable time in their life. And, just as symptoms from woman to woman vary, so does the intensity. Some women can go through perimenopause with little or no symptoms, while others get it head on and it makes their lives just miserable.

What are the symptoms of perimenopause?

As I mentioned earlier, some women experience no symptoms at all. I know a few in my family that just breezed through it, while others suffered mild to extreme symptoms. But the varied symptoms of perimenopause one may encounter are:

Hot Flashes

Generally starting around the neck area, hot flashes cause a flush-like feeling to an intense heat and profuse sweating. My own mother described the feeling as “It feels like your entire body is on fire!” Hmmm… I can’t say as that is something that I look forward to!

Mood Swings

Because of hormonal changes, a woman may be more emotional, teary eyed for no apparent reason, depressed, nervous, anxious, decrease in energy, increased appetite, nausea, fatigue, low motivation. Also, due to lowered estrogen levels a woman may experience vaginal dryness which can cause painful intercourse and even low sex drive. Itchy vulva is common among women going through perimenopause, due to the thinning of the vaginal lining. This in itself can be distressing and can lead to mood swings. It’s highly uncomfortable!

Change in Menses

During perimenopause, menses can become very irregular, heavier, lighter, more or less frequent, longer and shorter.

Forgetfulness

Sometimes, during perimenopause, a woman can become somewhat forgetful, forgetting things a little easier than before. Yes, estrogen levels even affect our brains and memory.

Urinary Problems

For some women, stress or urge incontinence is a real concern. She has to use the washroom much more than usual and often times can’t make it to the washroom quick enough without leaking some urine. Perimenopause also brings about a higher incidence of urinary tract infections, mainly due to the changes in the normal vaginal bacteria during perimenopause

Other symptoms include: heart palpitations, digestive disturbances (heartburn), flatulence, gas pains, increased or decrease in headaches, joint and muscle aches and pains, decrease in body hair, increase in facial hair, difficulty concentrating, mental confusion, sleep disturbances, lightheadedness, dizziness, breast tenderness, dry skin, tingling in extremities, thoughts of doom or even death.

Although some women do breeze right through perimenopause, many more do not. But, take heart, there are some things, aside from standard hormone replacement therapy (HRT) that you can do to manage your symptoms.

Eat a nutritious diet - Choose a healthier lifestyle, leaning more toward lower fat and high fibre diets. Lots of fresh vegetables and fruits are a good way to cool down! Frozen grapes and watermelon chunks nibbled on during a hot flash can cool the body naturally and will refresh you, not adding high calories that can add to the loss of waistline that is so common in menopausal women.

Eat soy! It’s a fact that a diet low in fat and high in soy products (40 grams per day) is an effective way to alleviate the hot flash symptoms of perimenopause. Eat high soy products such as, tofu, soybean milk, tempeh and add soy powders for making cooling fruit smoothies)

Exercise! Long walks are an excellent way to battle depression and stress. It’s a known fact that exercise is an excellent way to reduce the number of and intensity of hot flashes and it’s good for your heart and overall health.

Drinking plenty of ice water to help ease hot flash symptoms. Put a nice glass of ice water at your beside, should you need to cool down quick.

Vitamin E has become well known for reducing the number of hot flashes. A daily does of 800 IUs of vitamin E can help ease your hot flash woes.

Drink Aloe Vera Juice! Aside from the benefits of healthier skin and increased immune system, aloe vera juice taken one teaspoon before each meal and before bedtime will help cool down your body and lessen the heat of a hot flash. Make sure you drink the aloe vera jel for internal use, not external.

Black Cohosh is well known in Germany and Britain for its use in treating symptoms of menopause. Menopausal women are required to take at least 40 mg per day for it to be effective. Most health food stores carry black cohosh.

Dress in layers! That way, at the onset of a hot flash, you can remove a layer as needed and make yourself feel cooler and more comfortable.

Avoid overheated rooms and keep your own living area cooler. Talk to the members of your family about what you are going through and explain that by keeping the home cooler, you will be more comfortable. If someone complains about it being too cool, suggest that he/she puts something warmer on, so that everyone will be comfortable.

Seek support! You are not alone and there are many others, just like you, who are going through the same things that you are. Having a supportive friend or group of friends to talk to, works wonders during the stressful and uncomfortable times of perimenopause.

Talk to your doctor! Before you begin any treatment for perimenopause, be sure to consult with your health care provider to plan the course of treatment that is best suited you.

Although perimenopause and menopause is a part of every female’s future, there is help. By educating yourself, talking to a health care professional and taking actions needed to keep positive and healthy, you will accept this change as a door opening in your life and understand that despite a little heat and bouts of sadness, you will make it through to a new sense of freedom and adventure.

Welcome to Women’s Health Information…

All around the world many people have health issues and feel that they are alone in the world. Women’s Health Information has found that sometimes reading how other people are coping or that finding someone that maybe able to offer some advice either by suggesting, support groups or sharing experiences can help.

Men and women have various medical conditions that finding information to help you may be difficult to do. We aim to bring you as many articles as we can find and write. We aim to produce a resource section where many support groups along with many women’s and men’s health centres can list their services and centre information. We aim to also provide information on some issues such as impotency in men, premature ejaculation and prostate cancer and more.

Ladies we will try and cover issues such as Breast Cancer & Ovarian Cancer plus other forms of Cancer, The Baby Blues, Depression, Sexual Harassment, Menopause, Mental and physical abuse, Reiki for women and more.

Some of the other issues we will provide information on include:

Please check back here often - this site will grow each day with information on many men and women health issues.

Living with disabilities, mental illness, depression can be disastrous for some people. Providing support and offering information can help a lot of people.

Some people turn to many support mechanisms such as therapy, Reiki, Tai Chi, Yoga, meditation while others may need to improve their lifestyle through medications and help from their family and friends.

Toni